I’ve gotten really sick lately of hearing people make excuses for their behavior by saying, “it’s just the way I am.”
Through a really cool program called Children of Promise, I’ve been mentoring a kid named Jay’wan. Jay’wan is a student at City High and has a dad in prison. He needs a lot of prayer. The stuff he’s dealt with before his 16th birthday is probably more than I’ll have to deal with my entire life. Most days, it’s easy to show him a lot of grace because I can’t even try and understand the situations he’s coming out of.
But then there are days when it’s a lot harder to show grace.
I got a call from him early Thursday morning, saying his grandma forgot to wake him up for the bus (he was staying at his grandma’s house because of a messy situation with his mom). Frustrated, I got up out of bed, scraped the ice off my car, and drove 15 minutes across town to pick him up. He was in a pretty sour mood when I picked him up.
I waited for a “thank you” or apology for waking me up. I never got one. As I dropped him off for school, I made a gentle confrontation.
“You know, I’m not mad at you or anything, but next time you wake someone up and they drive across town and take you to school, it’s the polite thing to do to show that you’re grateful.”
He looked at me with disgust. “I was going to but you never gave me the chance.”
Seeing as we had sat in silence the entire way to school and we were now in the school parking lot, I doubted it. He got out of the car without saying anything else.
I saw him later that week, and brought it up again. I told him that his earlier excuse was bogus. He admitted it was, and tried a different one.
“I’m just not a morning person.” He said.
“Neither am I,” I responded, “but I can still be polite.”
“Not me. I’m not a morning person.” He said again.
I did my best to respond. “But you’re still accountable for your actions!”
“How can I be when I’m not a morning person? Ask anyone who knows me … they’ll tell you!”
Any rational person who isn’t two years old will see that this is hardly a sound argument.
I see the same thing working at the half-way house, which, in many ways, bears more resemblence with a kiddie day care than anything else.
“I can’t help that I have bursts of anger and lash out at people.”
“I can’t help that I don’t like to plan ahead.”
“I can’t help that I don’t like working with women.”
I hear these sort of complaints all the time. It’s easy to think, “Oh, thank God I’m not like that!”
But of course, I am at times.
- I say I’m an introvert when I don’t feel like leaving home.
- I say I have a bad memory when I forget about plans with someone.
- I say I’m a “right-brain” musician and I’m not good at ”left-brain skills” that involve getting my hands dirty.
At the root of it all, of course, is selfishness. While there are some strengths and weaknesses that are unique to me, sometimes I try to use them to justify my actions. I can’t help it, it’s just the way I am.
There’s a lot of danger in that sort of thing. The devil can trick us into thinking that we’re “different” or “special,” and the general rule of living your life for the sake of others doesn’t apply to us. He can feed us lies that we’re “not important” enough or that “people don’t like us” and we’re better off just avoiding others. He can tell us that our own habits and preferences are out of our control and that their effect on others isn’t worth examining.
The result is always unhappiness. True life and contentment comes with being more concerned with others than with yourself. Being “just the way you are” can be the same as “being a slave to sin.”
The application of “dying” to yourself for the sake of others can be as small as changing your own mindless habits (putting the toilet seat down) to changing your interests and preferences, getting out of your personal comfort zone, and spending time with people that are absolutely nothing like you for the sake of the gospel.
“I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.” - 1 Corinthians 9:22
“Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God.” - Romans 14:1
“For I am not seeking my own good, but the good of many, so that they may be saved.” - 1 Corinthians 10:33
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